If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
