I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
being pregnant is like rehab
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
