i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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