He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
