Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
