We won't sleep together?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
