After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
