Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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