All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
