Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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