So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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