I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
