did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
