the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
