"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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