As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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