I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Oh god it's open bar.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
