My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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