who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
