The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm passing your future prison.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
