make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
