This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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