He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
