he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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