I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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