i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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