eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
