I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
