How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
