The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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