I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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