Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
