Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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