i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
