A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Who died my cat blue again?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
