But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
