No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
