your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
