I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
