I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
