Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
