Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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