The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I want a musical about memes.
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