i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
