i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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