i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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