pop tarts are not kleenex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
