I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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