HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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