I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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