This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
