i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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