you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
