OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
