I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
